300: The YTMND Review
Written by
Published on 04/06/2007
Originally from Binary Culture / [the-lowdown.net]
http://www.binaryculture.net

Hola amores! Esteban here!

So Mark kindly asks me the other day in the most hideous broken Spanish if I’d like to review the muy caliente sausagefest known as Frank Miller’s “300.” Naturally I obliged, I mean, who doesn’t want to see hot pieces of barely clothed nalga on the big screen? As I was getting my cute little rearend to the movie theater last weekend I suddenly realized it was the semi-annual sale at Express! And they had these CUTE button down oxford tops with these hot patterns and I do not say “no” to cute buttondown oxford tops with hot prints. Needless to say amores, what little theater money I had was spent, but don’t despair! I do look fantastic now and I did the next best thing to a theatre viewing! I researched and reviewed the 300 sites on www.ytmnd.com and came up with the basic plot of the movie! So now for your reading pleasure, the 300TMNDs:

The Spartans, hard trained warriors said to be decended from Hercules himself. We are first introduced to King Leonidas at a very young age. QUE COCHITA! <3:
Spartan Education!

Years later, The Spartans were pissed of at this Persian idiota who dissed them or something which caused him to get totally owned in various ways, PENDEJO!:
FATALITY!
TETRIS!
THIS IS SPARTA~!
OLD SCHOOL!
ZIDANE!

And so because of that they start fighting the Persians:
THIS IS THE ENEMY!

And get pumped for epic battle after epic battle full of hot barely clothed men. DIOS MIO!:
YEEEEEAAAAAH!

And Leonidas is UNSTOPPABLE!:
HOLY SHIT!

Which get’s Emperor Xerxes totally hot and bothered. AY QUE HERMOSO! <3:
DIVINE POWER!

So I guess it ends with them in some sort of embrace, doing naughty, naughty things, conquering countries in the name of love and whatnot since I couldn’t find anymore YTMNDs for 300. But don’t they look so hot though?! And would you look at Leonidas’ longing? OMG! Maybe I’ll actually go see it when I get my next paycheck or something. But who needs to really? Osea, how can this movie NOT have a happy ending?

So in conclusion, amores, 300 was by far the best movie experience I’ve had all year without actually going to the movies. My feelings for this beautiful piece of film can be best described by the following YTMND I stumbled upon:
OUTRAGEOUS!

Hasta la proxima queridos mios!

Esteban Federico Sanchez Velazquez <3